Silent Whispers...

Monday, August 14, 2006

______________________________

I've been in such a bad mood lately. I mean I can't complain with some things but this weekend has turned me slightly bitter and pretty stressed out overall. I just feel worthless all of a sudden and I just can't shake the feeling no matter how hard I try.

think I am meant to pretty much be single for a while. All signs point to it. All I seem to attrach are douche bags that all their intentions are is to use me to buy some time. Wait until something "better" comes along and drop me as fast as they picked me up. I'm sick of it.
I believe that I'm a good person. I work at a dialysis clinic helping people. That is how I am... I just like to help. I don't know where I'm going with this really. I guess I'm just turning bitter slowly. I have not found one time that I have opened my heart up that that person did not pretty much make me feel like I'm nothing.
have the amazing love of my friends that gets me through everything... But lately I've been doing this alone. I'm not worrying anyone and I will be stronger in the end. I guess I just don't want to date until I can see that they are true with their words and actions.
All I want to do now Is curl up on my bed and not wake up for a while.. Just to let the world pass by for a while. And hope when I wake that there will be someone waiting for me. I'm not implying that I *need* someone or else my life falls apart... I'm just saying that just having that person there to hold your hand during a cold walk in winter... Or to share in the excitment of a promotion...Or just to be there for your crutch in hard times.... Just makes life a little easier sometimes.
But I guess that is not for me.. and will never be. I hate very few people but there are those that I will never forgive...

I don't know what to think or feel anymore. I'm not going to be a person's pawn to play with. I'm done with games and the childish acts. I want someone who is real and has the love that I seek. I always seem to find that "god-sent" person and they always let me down.
As a friend once wrote in his blog... " All that glitters is not gold. You can find something shiny in the trash, but guess what? It's still trash..." But I guess I will be continued to be use due to my extremely forgiving and naive nature. I guess a nice guy is only used as a floor mat. So I guess all I can say is step up and have your shot at walking all over me...

Softly Whispered at...|4:51 PM|

Softly Whispered at ...

Name:Bryan
B-day:July 1, 1986
Nicks:Don't really have one
School:UMASS Amherst
Contact:bryan.martins@gmail.com

[[ My Adores ]]

Food:Korean and Japanese Food
Drinks:eh...don't have a favorite
I do however enjoy...
A good apple martini
Screwdriver
Bacardi Rum and Diet Coke
Pastimes:Working!
I love photography
And would love to model
someday
People:Too many to list
But Tiffany and Tatianna will get
Mention Here

[[ My Detests ]]

People:I like everyone
There are very few people
I hate.
Things:Ignorance
Unkept"ness"
Lack of self confidence
Sad Endings Food:Seafood!!!
I can't eat anything
That swims in the ocean
I'm considering becoming
A vegetarian

[[ Music's Playing ]]

Artist:Michael Woods
Song:Solex - Close To the Edge

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